Lightening Up The World, One Soul At A Time.

I had tears in my eyes as I read the article on My heart was struck not only by the fact that some of us have challenges and struggle so hard for what the rest of us simply take for granted. My heart was also struck by how one person’s choice and efforts can make such a big impact on the lives of people.

The world today is expectedly tough. Our survival instincts are tested everyday only for our lives to be a chance game, a mere prey of time and unforeseen occurrences. I’ve seen it happen. I’ve been intrigued and humbled by the vanity of it all. Who we are is so much our choice, but so much not so. This morning, as I read that article it hit me again…we are all toiling the same ground. We all are victims regardless of whether we are rich or poor, famous or not, powerful or pauper. We are all of us, each and everyone of us in the dark place of struggle.

But each one of us also has his/her light-to share. Our light is a single burning flame, frail but not fickle. We choose how we use it. It is our power. Our Truth.

When you look in the other person’s eyes I hope you see yourself somehow. I hope you realize that they could be you and you could be them. And if places were traded, and you really got to walk a mile in their shoes, what would you want You to do for you then? Would you want kindness, a little more empathy, would you want forgiveness, a little bit of assistance, or a great experience for a beautiful memory? If the trade was reversed and you became yourself again, are you empowered with a different perspective? Would you use insight to act differently? Would you choose kindness over insensitivity, forgiveness over grudges, empathy over apathy? Would you chose to use light to give hope? Would you chose to give someone a memory they’d treasure forever?

It’s easy to look around and find affluence. Social Media would have you believe that life is all about working hard, making some money or a lot of it and showing it off on Instagram.  In truth, the reality of our life is that it is not perfect. Winning, losing, love and heartbreak, a lot of money and a lack of it, health and sickness, life and death are things we all see and sometimes experience, each and everyone of us. That in itself is a humbling fact to contemplate. So that we realize, we are really are not better than the other person next to us. We are just privileged to be better off with the privilege we each enjoy. And when we truly understand that, I hope we reach for our light and light one another up with our lights, each person one soul, each soul the other, and every soul the world.

I’ve been reading a book recently on the role luck plays in success.

The interesting thing is: Luck often disguises and is perceived by its beneficiary as something else. Like you might imagine that you became successful at a given endeavor you embarked on simply based off your skill or hard work or whatever else people attribute success to.

I chose to write my thoughts on This book because I was so impressed by how the writer seem to have well understood my own thoughts that have helped structured by perception of the matter.

I’ve always worried for the people who carry themselves as though they did well because they necessarily do something well that their peers did not.

While it is accepted that hard work, skill, determination etc play very important roles in the success an individual achieves, we can also not attribute it (success) uniquely to them. The race does not necessarily belong to the swift.

For one thing there is the important role time and space plays in all of our lives. Where we were born and when. Where we choose to go and when. Even the people we choose to associate with all play a very important role in the opportunities that become available to us and eventually who we become. When we think deeply about it, it is almost as though we are fated somehow. For indeed, there are the aspects of our lives that we have absolutely no control over, and yet there are those that we consciously, subconsciously, or unconsciously choose. It’s a lot of factors working in sync. We have to be careful then, not to be quick to attribute our successes to hard work or skill, and our failures to bad luck. Who is to say that the success was not just a stroke of good luck.

Mindfulness teaches us to be modest and grateful. To acknowledge that things could either be so much better or actually turn out so much worse. To know that chance, pure luck, randomness, divinity, or God had played a more important role in this success we so enjoy because opportunities have to be provided before they can be used.

A twist of events could have totally changed the outcome.

This is a consciousness that teaches us to be grounded as humble people. Success can easily fool us into exaggerating, and being over confident of our own abilities. When you catch yourself at that place, I hope you stop in your tracks and instead express gratitude for all the things that have come together to make you who you are.

I Am Team Natural

I went natural!

Oh yes I’m team natural. But not in the way you might expect. I decided to drop the image and embrace the person. I decided to stop living in the expectation of others for me and start living in my expectations and dreams for myself. I walked away from the norm, and embraced the exceptional.

I recognize that if my journey will be forged in greatness then I will have to my journey, mine.

I am team Be You! Be yourself. Do what suits you.

Don’t get me wrong, I believe humans should adhere to a higher divine law. I’m only saying that as long as it does not compromise your values, or conscience and i’s not a sin, do what is good for you.

I’m team natural in a way of speaking. In this world that we live, we can almost have everything imposed on us: how we should dress, what we should look like, what our weight should be, how we should communicate… it’s become a little difficult to be who you are. The thing that happens when you grow up hearing too many voices around you is, you find it difficult to even recognize the sound of your own heart, when it’s speaks to you.

Who are you really?

Do not shy away from your originality. Your set of gifts and virtues, strengths and weaknesses are the exact combination you need to succeed in this life. Don’t waste it by wishing it all away. Open your heart to give and you will also by all means receive.

We are more than the amount of  likes we get on Instagram, or the amount of our followers on Twitter, so we really should stop putting all that energy on our Social Media personalities.

So, I hope like me you find the courage to go natural too; and you’d realize there’s much to be enjoyed.


Amazing how it’s been over a year since I last wrote this blog!

I’m here thinking “why did I take such a long hiatus”. Anyway, I’m here now, back, and I hope better.

Life’s been fair in the last one year. Got schooled on love again by a certain “gentleman” volunteer, and man did I learn! Generally, I have a lot to be grateful for: Faith, Family, Friends, Good health, all the things that matters.

At the close of the last year, I did a self-examination, mostly triggered from hearing excerpts of  Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie’s talk used on Bey’s Flawless track.

I see that it’s important for us as people to realize how strong we are and be at peace with it. Shrinking yourself, hiding your genius, deeming your lights just so as to be acceptable is wrong.

I remember being the Star growing up, I had a clear grasp of who I was, beautiful, intelligent, gifted, unique, special. At some point though, out of consideration for others, I began to hide who I was and started to conform to who the people around me were. Who is acceptable to be. I committed the greatest sin I could ever commit against my own self. so I appreciate Chimanda’s words when she said “we teach girls to shrink themselves, to make themselves smaller…

I can’t really lay the blame at my parents doorstep though. I know a lot of it was my reaction to the environment in which I found myself at the time. It was really uncomfortable and challenging to be so effortlessly genius and was much easier to simply fit in.

Hey but I’m ranting!

I guess the whole point I’m trying to make is: Be comfortable with you. Your gifts, your talents, your genius and uniqueness should not intimidate anybody who loves you and those who get intimidated by you just are not worth changing yourself for.

More so, there is a purpose you are here to fulfill, and you can’t fulfill that purpose unless you are yourself: Whole, Special and Unapologetic


The Strange Place

Yesterday night, I had that feeling again, so intense. Should I call you one more time? one last time? Would you understand the reason why I wanted to get in contact with you? Why after all this time and all that happened, I still can’t seem to hate you even as I to want to?

You failed to see that much as I loved you, it is not because of what you have or who you are, nor was it in anyway because you deserved it somehow. It is because loving is who I am.

I wish it hadn’t happened at some point, and you never got to feeling entitled to my love. I wish you knew that my loving was a privilege I extended to you. How come it was you? You, who knows not what to do with it.

I know how confusing it must have been for you. To have something so rare you can not even understand it’s worth given to you at a time you weren’t even expecting it. You had to make a decision, yet didn’t know what to do. It must have been a tough situation for you to be in. Or maybe it wasn’t.

It doesn’t really matter now.

Only that somehow I hate how we don’t even talk anymore. How I can’t pick my phone and call you. How I could see you on the next aisle in a shop and not say hi. We became like strangers, and although I don’t want it, I guess it’s what’s best. For if I indeed called you, would you understand why I really did so?

In the end, all I saw in you was a possibility of awesomeness, an awesomeness I thought we could create together. However, as you will not have it, I believe it is for my own good and for that, I am grateful to you. I wonder if time will tell you all that I couldn’t. But I wish you the best. Yes, indeed I do.



Men With The Cold Feet: What To Do If He Suddenly Stops Calling


Ladies never get to the point of understanding why a man will hunt them down, practically harass them into giving him a chance, and just when you begin to settle into the comfort of a new, possibly great relationship, man develops cold feet and suddenly stops calling, and that too, with absolutely no obvious reason!

This usually leaves the girl confused and angry and wondering what could have gone wrong. Probably, the most painful part of it all is that you find yourself often blaming for yourself for the behavior of the man. If you find yourself in this really awkward situation I’m here to tell you a number of things you should or should not do.

1.Don’t Call Him To Find Out What Went Wrong

I know this is against our natural instincts as women, but trust me it’s for your greater good. It’s a lot easier to move on when you decide to leave matters be. If a man lacks the courage and manliness to communicate something as important as why he feels he can’t go on with you, he is low class, disrespectful and insensitive or maybe he’s not. He’s definitely not the kind of man you’d want to be with. So no matter how much you feel like having closure, realize that the best closure you can have is to move on and you must develop the discipline and self esteem to do so.

2. Decide what to do with his contact

you will have to decide whether or not you still want his contact on your phone. You might want to leave his number on, possibly to be able to identify his call one day he remembers you, and wonders how you are doing and decides to call. My advice to you is: Don’t. Keeping his contact reserves a space in your heart in which you are still hoping he calls someday and that is not healthy for you, especially if you truly want to move on from him. Delete his contact. And if one day, he decides to call, have him identify himself like any other unknown caller.

You may have to keep his contact for very important reasons though, so set limits. Decide as far as it goes. revert back to strictly business if need be.

3. Don’t Expect Him To Change His Mind, He Probably Won’t

Expecting or hoping that he would change his mind and come back someday can very easily drive you to the edge of frustration. Remember, your goal is to move on from him. Hoping he’ll change his mind is counter productive and dangerous to you. You are probably too young to think it’s only that one man that is left in the world for you. Remember, no one is the one until he’s the one.

4. Don’t Stalk Him On Facebook or Other Social Networks

Stalking a lost love interest on Facebook is a very unhealthy thing to do. Realize that more than finding out what coulda gone wrong, your self esteem is important and you should be more concerned with preserving it. If possible remove him from your Facebook, he no longer has any business being there . You definitely don’t want to keep people in your life who made you feel bad about yourself, and tried to break you.

5. Don’t Begin To Second Guess Yourself

People who have gone through situations like this can tell you how it could make one feel awful like one has a terrible defect. Don’t let any body do that to you. You are still a wonderful woman- lovely, complete and phenomenal. The fact that one man or two is too blind to see what rare gem you are does not make you any less special. Continue on you journey and forget the encounter. Remember, how people treat you is a reflection of who they are not who you are.

Don’t go over analyzing the situation or obsessing over it. It is what it is. Don’t keep thinking you deserve an explanation for why he behaved the way he did. Rather, choose to examine it positively. Whatever you do, make sure you move on. Remember, you are exquisite and rare, and any man whomever he might be, that treats you with that level of disrespect does not deserve you.

But then, I have to throw this open. Ladies, how best do you suppose this kind of situation should be handled? Guys, your advice…?

Eye Candy is a Bonus: What You Should Really Look For In A Relationship

If you are single and in the dating game like me, then you are probably looking for a serious relationship with the ultimate goal of settling down and building a life together with that special someone. To be honest, every single person desire, at some point in their lives, to find the one they’d spend the rest of their lives with. With so many information stimulating our minds on what we should look for in a relationship, it’s a little wonder people have unrealistic expectations on what their partners should be like physiologically or otherwise. These expectations are also, seldom important in the grand scheme of things as far as eventually settling down and building a life together is concerned.

So what should you look for in a relationship? What you should look for in a relationship should be determined by what your definition of love is. Attempt to define or determine what love means to you. Once you do this, you’d find out that what love means to you translates to your need and thus, should be what you look for in a relationship. However, in today’s world, love in itself has become a troublesome word to define. At the same time, it is safe to say that love, in the context of romance, grows and thrives in a certain set of circumstances. In truth, then, what you look for in a relationship are the conditionalities that would create an atmosphere for love to grow.


Respect for each other’s privacy, feelings, emotions, thought patterns, back grounds, careers, personality. This is the number one thing, a kind of foundation for your relationship. Without mutual respect, you wouldn’t be able to cultivate genuine friendship. If you are a man, you probably agree that what makes you relate to a particular woman respect. Men usually find it impossible to pursue a relationship with a woman they hardly have any respect for. A relationship should be an avenue for mutual growth and development and a healthy amount of respect helps your partner to dignify you in his/her mind. The degree of respect you have for each other will help you to treasure each other, will determine how you treat each other, and to some extent, how you will feel in each other’s company.


This cannot be overly emphasized. Friendship will get your relationship going where romance fails. Your friendship will help you  build companionship,  an essential ingredient for successful relationships. It helps you to be selfless and seek each other’s interest. Friendship creates a refreshing type of  interdependence that helps your relationship flourish and will eventually be the factor that sustains it. Simply put, if you can’t be friends, you can’t be lovers.


Passion is the essential lubricant that keeps the relationship machine functioning well. It’s translates in different ways in a relationship. Passion is what makes you want to be committed to a particular person, because somehow you always want to be with the person. It’s what creates excitement and intrigue in a relationship. It’s also what creates your sexuality and oneness.


A decision conscious or subconscious, to make the relationship work. It is a point you get to where you are content with good and are no longer searching for better, where you realize that perfect is a journey and happy ever after requires a lot of work. Ask yourself, would this person want to commit to me? Is he/she prepared and able to contribute his/her share of the sweat needed to carve out a blissful relationship? Will I commit to this relationship wholeheartedly and without any reservations? This is the hard work part. Many relationships have fallen apart because one, if not both parties involved, is not committed to making it work. If there is no commitment, you might as well be rowing your boat upstream. It will be very difficult, if not impossible to get anywhere. Be sure your partner is/will be as committed to making the relationship as you are or will be. If one of you is still thinking of better options that could be out there then he/she might not be ready to pursue a serious, marriage in view relationship just yet. More often than not, our being in love with someone is as a result of our conscious effort despite everything else, to be a part of the person’s life. So you must be committed to making it work. In the end, your commitment to each other will determine whether or not your relationship will work or frizzle out.

I’ve narrowed a lot of things into these four because I know a lot of what we want in our partners are based on this four whether we are aware of it or not. If you find someone you respect enough to be friends with, whom you are passionate about and you can be committed to, you are well on your way to being in love if not there already. If you have not yet found such a person, I hope you find him/her soon. Remember though, you great relationship starts with you. Let me know what you think.

Hello world!

This is my very first attempt at writing a blog. Here you will find my perspectives on a whole lot issues including but not limited to: romance, women and womanhood, men, relationships, living, self discovery, and also my personal journey in life. I hope as time goes on I’ll get to know and share with you all, because that’s really what this is about for me- sharing.